Compiled by Lee LeFebre

Below is a list of words and phrases which may portray you much of the time when you are under pressure.

To cope when things aren’t going right or going my way, I tend to…

become self-absorbed (self-consumed) by:

*becoming overly introspective

*feeling sorry for myself

*engaging in self-pity

*getting depressed by stuffing my anger and frustrations

*beating up on myself

*focusing on my suffering and trials to get attention and sympathy

*playing the role of a victim / martyr

withdraw (isolate myself) by:

*becoming aloof (pull away)

*going into a shell

*running and hiding (escape)

*distancing myself from others

*avoiding others (becoming a loner)

*becoming unapproachable

*being overly introverted

*retreating to the silent treatment

*not communicating

become obsessed with:

*accomplishments

*recognition

*status

*how I look

*what others think of me

*my physical health

*the past (especially past hurts and failures)

*a devotion to a cause

* structure, order, rules, regulations

escape pain / pressure through:

*carousing

*drugs / alcohol

*staying busy

*television

*athletics

*hobbies / games

*computers

*pornography

*sex

*talking

*school

*sleep

*religion

*reading

*fantasy

*movies

*entertainment

*overeating

*religious activity and service

*becoming a workaholic

*work (career, business, job)

*gloom and doom thinking (refuse to be positive)

become self-disciplined (self-gratifying) by:

*becoming impulsive (hasty)

*buying things to feel better

*assuming “if it feels good do it”

*becoming compulsive (lacking self-control)

*lusting (craving for : alcohol, caffeine, sugar, cigarettes, drugs, sex, junk food

become anxious (worry and fret) by:

*becoming fearful (apprehensive)

*lacking peace and rest

*becoming paralyzed (go numb)

*becoming paranoid (overly suspicious)

*seeking astrology, horoscopes, fortune telling, (tarot cards, palm reading, Ouija boards etc.) and / or the occult for guidance and strength)

become dominant by:

*becoming dictatorial (bossy)

*becoming demanding (pushy)

*becoming overbearing (controlling)

*becoming manipulative

*intimidating others

*demanding my rights

try to stay in control through:

*blackmail (making threats)

*manipulation (use coercion)

*profanity (swearing)

*the silent treatment

*passivity (play helpless)

*not eating (anorexia/bulimia)

*use of guilt

*favoritism

To cope when things aren’t going right or going my way I tend to …

come across as:

*insensitive, uncaring,indifferent, unconcerned, and / or unsympathetic

become complacent (nonchalant) by:

*saying things like, “It doesn’t matter..it’s ok”

challenge others by:

* resisting authority

*becoming uncooperative (unteachable)

*causing dissension (strife)

*irritating (aggravating) others

*becoming argumentative, rigid, inflexible, close minded, stubborn, obstinate, unreasonable or unyielding

become pessimistic by:

*lacking confidence and

*becoming skeptical (suspicious)

*distrusting others, myself, God, church, and / or government

*expecting the worse

*assuming the worse case scenario to protect myself from disappointment & pain

*never being satisfied or content

*never being pleased with self / others

*becoming jealous of others’ success and happiness

develop a critical attitude by:

*finding fault with others, myself, and everything around me

*nit-picking to death

*becoming judgmental (opinionated)

*becoming prejudiced (intolerant)

*complaining a lot (becoming negative)

become hostile (vent my anger) by:

* becoming unfriendly (cynical)

* becoming hateful (malicious)

* becoming harsh (cruel and brutal)

* becoming sarcastic (caustic)

* having a quick temper

become self-assured (self-confident) by:

* depending on myself instead of God

* becoming proud (haughty)

* becoming egocentric (acting pompous)

* bragging (being boastful)

* becoming arrogant (cocky)

* having a superior attitude (saying in effect: “I must always be right …I must always win…I must always be the best”)

* pretending like I know it all

* becoming conceited (smug)

* having difficulty asking for help

become self-righteous (self-justifying) by:

* becoming defensive

* making excuses (rationalize)

* covering up and hiding mistakes

* assuming I am never the problem

* avoiding taking responsibility for failure or problems

* becoming critical of others (blaming others)

* having difficulty: admitting I was wrong,apologizing, asking for forgiveness, expressing gratitude

become tense (nervous and agitated) by:

* finding it hard to relax

* becoming restless (high strung)

* becoming impatient

become emotionally insulated by:

* keeping people at a distance

* becoming inhibited (bottling up emotions)

* avoiding intimacy

* denying feelings: having difficulty expressing feelings and opinions openly and honestly

* becoming unable to express love in a meaningful way

deny reality by:

* ignoring problems and hoping they will go away

* denying anything is bad or wrong

* lying (mislead)

* deceiving others and myself

* exaggerating (overstate matters)

* playing games to hide real intent

* conning people to get what I want

hold a grudge (be resentful) by:

* becoming moody (sulk)

* harboring bitterness

* becoming unforgiving

* keeping a scorecard of wrongs done to me or by me

* trying to get even (seeking revenge)

* wanting others to fail or get hurt

* punishing myself or others

To cope when things aren’t going right or going my way, I tend to …

fight unfairly (take cheap shots) by:

* becoming slanderous (misrepresent the actual situation)

* gossiping (talking behind other’s backs)

* engaging in passive-aggressive behavior ( i.e. using humor to hide real feelings, becoming sarcastic, refusing to communicate, becoming passive, forgetting things, procrastinating, being late, etc.)

put up a front (can’t be real) by:

* faking it (hiding what I really think and feel)

* putting on a show (performing ) to get attention and impress others

* becoming pretentious (phony, unreal)

* becoming superficial (plastic)

* becoming gushy (too sentimental)

lack compassion, kindness, understanding, gentleness, and love

live by my feelings by:

* becoming too subjective (believing that truth is only what I feel)

* believing I’m ok only when I feel okay

* becoming too sensitive to criticism

* becoming hypersensitive

* taking things too personally

* reading-in rejection when it isn’t there, or setting things up to bring about rejections

* becoming touchy (irritable)

* being controlled by anger, doubts, emotions, fear, etc.

become a pleaser (be nice) by:

* trying to be all things to all people

* trying to do the “proper / correct” thing

* trying to keep everyone happy

* trying to keep peace at all cost

* avoiding conflict at all cost

* becoming a doormat (letting others take advantage of me)

* expressing to others what I think they want to hear

* giving into others too easily

* becoming controlled by others

* having difficulty: saying no, setting boundaries, standing up for myself, becoming overly compliant, becoming too submissive

become passive (lack initiative) by:

* quitting too easily ( giving up)

* not taking chances

* playing it safe (pulling back and waiting)

* waiting for someone to tell me what to do and how to think

* depending on others instead of God

* vacillating (becoming too changeable)

* becoming indecisive ( not making decisions)

* wanting someone else to make the decision for me

* avoiding failure at all cost

* procrastinating (putting things off)

* becoming irresponsible (becoming unreliable)

* becoming lazy, apathetic, lethargic

become self-depreciating (self-condemning / self critical) by:

* assuming I am always the problem

* becoming overly apologetic

* becoming too hard on myself

* having difficulty: receiving love, receiving compliments, receiving forgiveness, forgiving myself

* clinging (becoming a leach) to those who finally accept me

* becoming uncomfortable with success

become a caretaker (rescuer) by:

* becoming over protective

* taking responsibility for other’s feelings (becoming overly responsible)

* making decisions for others

* giving unsolicited advice

* trying to prevent other’s failure

* becoming possessive (selfish)

* becoming a busybody (becoming too involved in other’s affairs)

* becoming preachy (lecturing others)

* trying to find someone who needs me and who I can rescue

* nagging (badgering)

* talking too much and listen poorly

become too intense (overly serious) by:

* becoming stoical (unemotional)

* having trouble dealing with feelings

* becoming overly analytical

* becoming stern ( solemn / formal)

* lacking joy or life

* not being fun to be with

To cope when things aren’t going right or going my way, I tend to …

become self-absorbed (self-consumed) by:

* becoming overly introspective

* feeling sorry for myself

* engaging in self-pity

* getting depressed by stuffing my anger and frustrations

* beating up on myself (hating myself)

* focusing on my suffering and trials to get attention and sympathy

* playing the role of a victim / martyr

withdraw (isolate myself) by:

* becoming aloof (pull away)

* going into a shell

* running and hiding (escape)

* distancing myself from others

* avoiding others (becoming a loner)

* becoming overly introverted

* retreating to the silent treatment

* not communicating

become obsessed with:

* accomplishments

* recognition

* status

* how I look

* what others think of me

* my physical health

* the past (especially past hurts and past failures)

* a devotion to a cause

* structure, order, rules, regulations

escape pain/pressure through:

* carousing

* sex

* drugs/alcohol

* talking

* staying busy

* school

* television

* sleep

* athletics

* religion

* hobbies/games

* reading

* computers

* fantasy

* pornography

* movies

* entertainment

* overeating

* religious activity & service

* becoming a workaholic

* work (career, business, job)

* gloom & doom thinking (refuse to see the positive)

become self-disciplined (self reliant) by:

* becoming a perfectionist

* overcompensating by trying even harder so as not to fail

* becoming legalistic

* living “by the book”

* living by rules (have to’s should’s, must’s, ought’s)

* becoming too hard and strict on myself and others

* setting unrealistic standards for myself and others

* basing acceptance (of self and others) on performance

* fearing making mistakes

become self-indulgent (self gratifying) by:

* becoming impulsive (hasty)

* buying things to feel better

* assuming “if it feels good, do it”

* becoming compulsive (lacking self-control)

* lusting (craving) for: alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sex, sugar, junk food, cigarettes

become anxious (worry and fret) by:

* becoming fearful (apprehensive)

* lacking peace and rest

* becoming paralyzed (go numb)

* becoming paranoid (overly suspicious)

* seeking astrology, horoscopes, fortune telling (tarot cards, palm reading, Ouija boards, etc.) and / or the occult for guidance and strength

become dominant by:

* becoming dictatorial (bossy)

* becoming demanding (pushy)

* becoming overbearing

* (controlling)

* becoming manipulative

* intimidating others

* demanding my rights

try to stay in control through:

* blackmail (making threats)

* manipulation (use coercion)

* profanity (swearing)

* the silent treatment

* passive (play helpless)

* not eating (anorexia/bulimia)

* use of guilt

* favoritism

copyright Lee LeFebre (used with permission). Hardcopies are available from Crosslife Books

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:1-24).

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16).