I grew up in a non-Christian home in North Carolina. My father was an alcoholic and my mother, well, she did the best she could. To make a long story short I was sexually abused from about age 5-10 and then again around age 13. This left some deep scars. When I was 21 I was working as a youth minister in a church when God convicted met that I was trying to earn my way into heaven. It was at this point that I accepted Christ as my savior.
A few years after that I developed an eating disorder–anorexia. For the first few months it was great, but when I ended up in a hospital for treatment for a year, it was not so great. While in the hospital I picked a couple of more bad ways of coping –cutting and smoking. Also, while I was in the hospital my husband of 5 years decided that he wanted a divorce and custody of our son. He got both. You would think that would wake me up. Maybe for a while it did. I seemed to get better, but the struggles in my mind never ended.
A couple of years ago I was really struggling and searching and my pastor at the time sent me to a local Christian counseling center. Now to be honest, I didn’t like that idea very much. I was so tired of people telling me to pray more, read my Bible more, etc… I was in for a real surprise when I got there. Jamie, my counselor, never once made those suggestions. He accepted me where I was. I learned so much over the twelve weeks I was there. I learned that God loves and accepts me just as I am.[1] It is not about doing, but being.[2] He just desires a relationship with us, a real true romance with His bride! All of the other stuff will flow out of our love for Him.[3]
It was an awesome time, so awesome that I went back to learn to counsel others in the same way. I don’t know where God is taking my ministry, but I hope in time I will be able to share with others these truths that I have learned. Now, don’t go thinking I have it all together. I am still struggling and I have asked God why nothing seems to work, why can’t I just let go of the eating disorder and all the other stuff that keeps me in bondage.
I think I got a helping hand finding the answer recently. God brought a very special person into my life through a wonderful community that I “accidentally” found. God quickly began to bind our hearts together and God is teaching me so much through her. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me with this. I think that God used the time I spent at the Christian Counseling center to prepare my heart for what He is doing now. So I could receive these teachings. So for now where I am is trusting God and my special friend to lead me out of this bondage. I am sure as I grow you will hear more until then God bless you and you let Him work His miracle in you!
As I promised I am updating this to include what God is doing right now in my life. Recently God did amazing thing in my life. I was talking with my special friend about what we thought was a panic attack, then God showed her that was not the case. What He was doing was totally delivering me from the eating disorder and cutting.
What I was feeling was a sense of grief over loosing my strongholds.[4] It was a painful, but yet wonderful thing. And now I stand amazed at what God has done. I am truly free from the bondage I had lived in for so many years.[5] This too is a very scary place to be. I am learning moment by moment to let God be my stronghold [refuge], to run to Him with everything…
– “Queen Grace”
[1] …”to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:6
[2] “But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God–and righteousness and sanctification and redemption– that, as it is written, ‘He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.'” 1 Corinthians 1:30,31
[3] “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5
[4] “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
[5] “Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’ …Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”John 8:31,32,36
[Scripture footnotes – JBW]
Honorable Mention
Our associate, Dr. Lewis Gregory, effectively communicates the message of the Christ-centered life and our new spiritual identity. See his book (hard back), Introducing The New You at his web site: www.sourceministries.net/go/resources/the-new-you.